A penny for your thoughts.

I've never been given a penny for my thoughts.  I've been asked for my thoughts on numerous occasions.  But no penny!  Maybe I have it wrong.  Maybe the penny only comes when the thoughts are akin to what the requester really wants.  So, if I tell you what you want to hear it's a good thing and if I don't tell you what you want to hear it's "not worth a plug nickle" or "not worth the paper it's written on."  Do we draw from this that people really don't want to hear what we think?  In a lot of cases I suppose this is true.  Often we ask for input when we already know the answer.  We just want confirmation that we are seeing something as it really is and not our imaginations.  Knowing when to provide the input requested is tricky.  The requirements are important in making that determination.  First, is the person asking a rhetorical question?  Second, is the person asking for your support and not your opinion?  Third, does the person asking really value what you have to share?  And forth, what's my motive in providing an answer?  People from all walks of life have questioned me over the years.  Some of the questions were accusatory.  "Did you eat that last piece of cake?"  Many of the questions were genuine.  "Dad, where do clouds come from?"  Occasionally the questions were truth seeking.  "How do you see this problem?"  Every now and then the questions were to provide humor or break the ice.  "Do you wear toilet paper on your shoes often?"  We need all of these questions and more in order for us to grow and those around us to grow.  The really serious questions often accompany a short (or long!) story as background. "You see, when I was...they did...and now I feel...what do you think?"  Being careful, clarifying and use of wisdom are key to giving the thought.  Sometimes the questions are tricky.  The religious leaders asked Jesus, "What should we do with this woman caught in the very act of adultery?"  Where was the guy with whom she was caught?  But that's not the question Jesus perceived as being asked.  John 8 tells us that Jesus bent down and wrote in the dirt.  When they tried to trap him with his answer Jesus asked them "Whoever among you have no sin, cast the first stone." and again wrote in the dirt.  I believe that Jesus first wrote down the names of those who were present and then the second time wrote some of their sins. These leaders and teachers walked away one by one.  The need to feel our world as secure and safe is paramount in each of us.  I used to be shy.  Most people who now know me would argue with that.  However, I was shy.  When I went into the military I was bombarded with personal questions.  People were trying to get to know me.  In my unease I devised a plan.  If I asked questions about them first the attention would be taken off of me.  Brilliant!  Okay, maybe not brilliant but good anyway and surely worth a penny.  Our motives for asking and our motives for asking come from who we are.  Who are you?  Who am I?  When the question is valid we need to give an honest answer.  Anything else needs clarification.  "Why do you ask?"  What is the other person's motive?  No one likes being trapped especially if they know they are wrong.  Leaving the "back door open" when answering questions is safe for everyone.  Jesus did that with his answer both verbally and physically.  He asked the woman where were her accusers.  She replied they are gone.  He told her that he didn't condemn her either.  When giving our thoughts we need to provide a clear honest answer.  If we don't know we need to keep quiet rather than make a mistake that could be serious.  Sometimes our thoughts are worth a penny because we keep them to ourselves.  Over the years I've become better at answering questions.  I'm still working on it.  People feel free most of the time to ask me for an objective answer.  We don't need to have "all" of the answers.  Often "I don't know." is the best answer of all.  Our opinions are powerful and can be healing or damaging.  When we are confronted with a question our integrity is being challenged.  Will we rise to the occasion and be honest in a way that they can hear our heart and not just our head?  Is there a thought we have that is worth a penny?  For some the answer is "no".  Where do we figure into the lives of those around us?  Do people value our friendship, knowledge and grace?  A penny for your thoughts.