The darkness is my closest friend.

     Sometimes in our lives there are periods of darkness for one reason or another.  Brought about by God?  Inflicted on us by the world around us? 
An attack of the enemy?  Nobody likes the dark periods of our lives.  Unless it's your friend.  Making friends with the darkness is a little bit like eating a strange food whose smell is enough to make you throw up.  Well, maybe not quite that bad.  David laments and praises God alternating between the two for the book of Psalm.  Psalm 88 is one of the laments ending with "The darkness is my closest friend.  He, like so many of us, knew despair and exaltation.  Today they would label him Bipolar or Manic Depressive.  They would be wrong but since when have people stopped labeling each other.  From the reading of David's writing, I have come to believe that David knew the darkness as his closest friend for quite some time and had come to the place of embracing that time rather than trying to avoid it.  Am I saying depression is good for you?  No.  Am I saying it's important you know you are going through your darkness times?  Yes.  It seems contradictory when you first begin thinking about the ups and downs of life.  But, if there were no ups and downs you would be dead.  Straight and flat line on the monitor of life. 
     Christians are promised how great things will be when they accept Jesus as Savior and Lord of their lives.  But, no one bothers to mention or instruct them on how to move through the losses of their lives.  This includes when we feel God isn't near us, with us, or has abandoned us for whatever reasons.  Somewhere, in the Christian manual,  they miss the part that says there are valleys (not happy ones) and mountain tops (not the depressed kinds) that we will go through.  Jesus understands our times in the darkness.  Do we?  Jesus understands our feelings of abandonment and hopelessness.  Do we?  Are we, as a Christian people, willing to admit that life isn't about sunshine and smiles all the time?  I hope so.  Having had many valleys in my life, I know the darkness is often my closest friend.  Last month I dropped into a depressive "hole" for 3 weeks.  At the bottom of the "hole" I contemplated suicide.  PTSD will do that to you.  No matter the degrees you hold, the experience you have, or the people you love; when you drop into the hole, there is no one there with you.  The darkness is my closest friend at times like these.  People ask me how I get there.  Not because they want to join me (which they should as Christians) but because they don't understand the depth of darkness or fear their own. 
     Here is the good part.  When my time is done in the "hole" of darkness, Christ rises me to the surface and beyond.  Did I take the time to learn anything in the darkness?  If I did not then the "hole" will be repeated much to my displeasure.  What did I learn?  Not to trust people?  Not to take myself so seriously?  Not to think I have to help everyone?  Not to listen to those who want to drag everyone down?  What else did I learn?  I learned that He who is for me is greater than who is in the world.  I learned that at my worst the love of God for me remains the ONLY constant in my world.  I learned that his grace is sufficient for me.  I learned that even though many abandon me that Christ will NOT!  Though the despair can be heavy, the lessons are there to bring me and you through to the other side.  Living our lives soley for God eliminates the need to live our lives for others.  Bringing us to that place where we know, once again, that it's Jesus that fills every part of our life.  Will I repeat the time in the darkness?  I hope so and also don't want to but know that I will.  You will.  They will.  And it will be our choice.  God will be there.  It's always your choice.