What can I say?

     Sometimes I'm without words.  More specifically, I'm choosing to not use words.  Being able to read the situation and then take the best inaction that's on the table seems to be a good way to not deal with making choices that either upset people or create a negative environment around us.  Over the years I have learned a little about the power of words and how those words are spoken and used.  There is a big difference between; "Let's eat Grandpa!" and "Let's eat, Grandpa!"  One little comma is all that makes the difference. 
     At times I have nothing to bring to the table.  There is nothing I can add to or say differently that what has been said by the event or circumstances.  My friend Pete had been married for over 50 years when his wife died.  It wasn't expected and suddenly Pete found himself alone.  At the funeral I listened to others say various condolences to Pete.  Pete was engulfed with pain and suffering and couldn't hear any of it though he did nod his head.  When I approached Pete all I could do was hold him and cry with him.  It's what he needed.  Sometimes what we have to "say" is in our actions and has nothing to do with words.
     My friends Paul and Pam shared the news of the cancer that was killing Paul Jr.  He was 4.  What could I possibly say that would do anything to lessen the pain and suffering.  When all was said and done, there was nothing to say and nothing that could be done.  Their little boy died and their hearts were torn apart.  Sometimes it's just our presence that people want most of all.  They don't want to know what you think.  They want to know you are there.  When we are there we set aside ourselves and just be with those we love.
     When the women lamented that Lazarus was dead, Jesus responded by crying.  Shortest verse in the Bible.  "Jesus wept."  People weren't ready for the next frame of this picture.  Jesus called his friend back to a life that was not over.  The cries of, "If you had been here, he wouldn't have died!? were quickly exchanged with silence.  Nothing was said.  Quiet.  That is it.  Nothing else was called for. 
    Sometimes people want to hear what you have to say.  More often than not, people already know what you have to say.  Perceiving the gravity of the situation should be the Holy Spirit directing us to know the wants and desires of those around us.  This doesn't just apply to grief.  An angry person doesn't want to be told to stop being angry.  The frustrated individual doesn't want to be given an excuse.  The person feeling thrilled doesn't want that joy to be taken away or minimized by my comment.  We don't talk about death at our wedding or the birth of our child.  We talk about life!
     I'm one of those people who smiles on the inside.  I don't always reflect happiness with an outside expression.  Often I don't laugh at a funny situation or a joke.  But I do inside of me.  When I don't want to be told all about how I feel there are places I can go to be alone.  Silence would have helped me stay.  A hug would have held me there. 
     There have been times when people's behavior and expressions have shouted so loud I should have heard.  I'm sorry.  What powerful these two words are.  "I'm sorry." should not be accompanied with, "But..." or any other justification.  Make no excuse and only explain what is asked to be explained.  People want to know how much you care and not how much you know.  Just care for people. 
     The next time you are in a situation like those above, remember that sometimes the best thing to say is nothing.  Sometimes being right serves no purpose other than to hurt.  When you are present with someone really listen to what is NOT said as well as what is said.  Interact with people as you would like them to interact with you.  Be quiet.  Let the Holy Spirit speak to you and through you.
     I was at a point of great crisis in my life and had to go to a meeting with my peers where I know I would be evaluated and critiqued.  When I arrived at the meeting my supervisor "read" me and asked me what I needed that day.  I said, "I need to have a beer and not talk."  We went out for root beer and did not talk.  The crisis hadn't gone away but the anxiety had subsided.  Grace will do that for you and to you.
     Just for this moment of this hour of this day give yourself grace and give others grace.  You'll say more than you could believe and perhaps will hear that much too.