In our relationships difficulty exists in our understanding of others and their understanding of us. The means by which we understand others and they understand us is biased by so many variables. So, we take the complexity and set it aside and attempt to fit people into our molds of who we think they should be.
"He is just like his father!" can be said in a positive or negative connotation but ultimately takes away any thought of our individuality. "The apple doesn't fall very far from her tree!" and other quips relegate us to preformed conclusions drawn from comparison rather than actual knowledge. "He/she lives in THAT part of town!" indicating good or bad choices. "That group is up to no good and you might have guessed she/he would be part of the group."
While I was a mental health counselor I discovered there were basically two categories of clients. The first were those who were concerned about whether or not I had the qualifications to help them or someone they were attached to. The second group were those who didn't care about what I knew but wanted to know how much I cared. The former would gaze at my diplomas and the latter group would look at my heart and listen to my words. Seeing them as individuals was more about dispelling that which was not true than it was about their associations.
I've been prejudiced in my past. As a police officer I worked the midnight shift voluntarily because people fit into one convenient category. If you were out and about after I came onto shift; you were guilty. I made this decision for primarily selfish reasons. If I saw all people in this light I had a higher chance of going home alive in the morning. Doing so put everyone on the same level...suspect. It was a matter of personal survival to me. That's not to say that everyone was guilty as not everyone was. My "preconceived notion" was more a safety measure than anything.
"Why can't you behave like your sister/brother!?" "You are who you associate with." "They hung out with the wrong crowd." "That Steven Hawley is up to no good." "You can see it in his eyes. I don't trust his eyes." "You give them an inch and they will take a mile." I think you get the picture and it's not very positive.
Years ago I read a book entitled: "Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved by you?" Incredible book! Whenever we are feeling like we have to give up our individuality in order to be okay with someone else or some group, we are in a dangerous position. One from which we need to run away. I'm not saying that everything inside of me is lovable because it isn't. What I am saying is that I'm more than your opinion of me. I'm more than your stereotype of me. I'm more than what you've heard or seen about me. I'm not who you perceive me to be. I'm much more than others think I am.
So, we are left with the big question. The big question is; "Do I want to get to know you?" Do I want to take that chance to see the real you? Do I dare lay aside my preconceived notions and actually take the time to get to know, to understand, you? What a delicate balance! I believe that we are more than the sum of other people's opinions.
Who is Steve Hawley? What makes him tick? What does he stand for? What does he stand up to? Where are his lines in the sand? What are his likes and dislikes? How do I get to know him? Do I want to get to know him? Can I trust him? Does he believe like me? What does he believe in? What ticks him off? Who does he hang around with? Why is he so ______? The questions can go on and on if you like. They will never get to the core issue. The core issue is whether or not you want to understand me.
Understanding me (and my understanding you) begins with an open mind and not a biased one. Understanding me involves listening AND hearing me. Understanding me isn't about getting me to be more like so and so. Understanding me means respecting what I believe in. Understanding me means you have thrown out the classification of some mental health book. Understanding me is to let me by me. Please understand me.
Here is the final caveat for today. I will try to understand you as Jesus understands you. I will do this whether or not you try to understand me. Understanding you is second to my wanting to understanding God. I may not like what you say or stand for but I will respect you and your stands taken in this world. God tells us that he understands us. There is more to it than just understanding us for God. He understands us AND looks toward who we are becoming. He knows who we are. He created us.
I want to be understood by God, others and myself. I believe you do as well. I'll try my hardest to do my part in understanding you. Would you do the same for others?
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