On Becoming Steven

     "On Becoming Steven" is a book that I am currently writing.  The book is meant to show that all of us have our own story and how that story came to be.  It's difficult writing down an internal process that seems so complicated at time.  Being able to be process and change within the very processes that I am writing about is challenging.  If I wasn't living every man's story the telling of mine would serve little purpose.  For apart from others stories, there is little need to examine or even process our past and form our future. 
     Living in Seattle, Washington, I see the Sound every day.  Sometimes there are container ships on their way to or from the port.  Containers stacked 5 or sometimes more high the whole length of the ship resemble the boxes inside of me that haven't been unloaded.  There are so many boxes!  Do I have to open all of them?  No.  Will I open all of them?  No.  Sometimes I don't have any choice in the matter as something will happen and one of the boxes will burst open piling its contents over all the rest and the ship as well.  Clean up on aisle 4! 
     Did I happen to mention that many of the containers I have no key for?  Kind of makes the daunting job just a bit more complicated.  I've done well in locking away the contents of my life.  Over the years I've realized that some of those containers are locked for good reason.  Everything we experience in any fashion from conception to death is stored in these containers.  The unconscious part of my mind knows all of these memories and releases them only when we are ready and able to deal with the content.  Only the unconscious part doesn't tell me when the new movie is coming out!
     I live with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  I need to tell you that at times PTSD is a very weird roommate.  Talk about having a mind of your own!  PTSD has a very definite mind of its own.  It's like having a roommate with schizophrenia and ADD!  Just so everyone is on the same page; my PTSD isn't dangerous to anyone.  This roommate can also be a real plus in my life.  The bad part is there is "no app for that."  My roommate is constantly trying their key on the locked containers.  Sometimes they are successful in opening one here or there.  That's when I deal with yet another layer of my life.  "On Becoming Steven" is about all of this and more. 
     There are those in my life who care about me very much.  They tell me that I shouldn't share these personal parts of me.  Their reason is that this act of openness can result in more ammunition for those who want to see me damaged in one way or another.  One of my life's mantra's is a really cool way to look at these times.  I say to myself (and sometimes others):  "What's the worst that can happen?  I die and go to Heaven?  That's not so bad!"  Yet, I know God has me here for a purpose and that purpose is being revealed day by day.
     Perhaps God has me writing this today for just one person who needed to hear they are not alone.  Maybe you needed to know that someone else thinks like you do and it's not weird.  Then again, do you know someone who can benefit from reading what is written here?  I don't believe that there are coincidences in life.  Things take place for a reason.  Our job is NOT to figure out what the reason is.  Our job is to take the knowledge and help someone else down the journey road we are on. 
     Please understand that God has been at work a long time to bring me to this point today.  I'm reminded that often we read stories or see stories on the big screen (movies for those of you who are younger) that help us to see the process and the time it takes the process to come about. 
     We read stories in the Bible like King David's interactions with King Saul who was trying to kill him.  The 23rd Psalm was written by King David during a particular situation where King Saul had cornered King David and his men in a canyon.  At just the right time King Saul received a message from one of his "runners" that the Egyptians were attacking them on the southern border.  King Saul abandoned King David and went to put a stop to the invasion.  We read about this in just a few verses.  What actually happened was quite different.
     The "runner" was most likely travelling on foot or horseback.  The trip to get the message would have taken at least two weeks.  The message from the southern outposts that they were being attacked took quite some time also.  Let's say 4 weeks total time for our discussion.  That means that God had to intervene at least 4 weeks before the confrontation between Saul and David.  The orchestration of all of the timing is incredible.  Yet, God was and is in control.  There are no coincidences in the life of a Christian.
     Even that which was intended to wreak havoc in my life is under the hand of God.  There is never too much for He and I to handle.  Though at times I have given up and he has carried me.  What has this to do with Christian living?  Everything!  The Christian is a man or woman who has given their lives to God.  In that very act we become more than conquers in this life on earth.  It's important that regardless of where we are in life that we are headed towards home where there is no pain and suffering. 
     That leads me to the place where hope springs eternal.  Not humanly hope but heavenly hope.  Heavenly hope brought us through our yesterdays, is bringing us through our todays and will bring us through our tomorrows.  In the end, we can say, "What's the worst that can happen?  I die and go to Heaven?  That's not so bad!"  See you there!