Chapter 35. Strive to be happy. Galatians 5:22 against these there is no law

        It’s not against the law to be happy. So, why not be happy? Many people wait for happiness to come to them. Some wait all their lives for this event to unfold only to not see happiness come to them. My son Daniel has proclaimed for some time now that he doesn’t like sunny weather and prefers the cloudy, dark and rainy any day. I have absolutely no idea where he came up with that as a means to happiness. I don’t have anyone in my life who feels this way. I’m happy about a lot of events and items in my life. I try to thank God for them on a regular basis. Some are not very good for me. Like my love of chocolate (I’m overweight) and potatoes and meat for dinner. I like to take chances which drives my wife crazy. You see, there are qualifications for things to be truly happy making. Sometimes there are concessions we make in order to be happy. I really love my sister but I don’t look forward to driving from Olympia, WA to Bismarck, ND. Another element in reaching a state of happy is putting up with this or that until happy arrives. I love being able to eat fresh caught trout. However, the process of going about catching the fish isn’t something that gives me instant gratification. Instant gratification only supports temporary happiness. When the event is over, we are back to the way things were. So, even if I go to Safeway and buy a "fresh caught trout", the happiness factor is still going to be temporary. Being happy is a choice. Happy doesn’t come about by just thinking happy thoughts like Peter Pan. Why? Because we have situations that we will need to overcome if we want to find happiness in our lives. My grandmother’s death is an unhappy event but is made happy when I think of her in heaven with Jesus.
       There are so many different situations and events where our state of happy is stolen from us. It’s not like we let it happen; it’s like it happened and we are left to deal with the fallout. If we, for the moment, think about some negatives that rob us of happiness; we will see: jealousy, anger, guilt, shame, failure, to name but a few. I would imagine that even Dale Carnegie had his happiness stolen from time to time. Who or what has stolen your happiness? Perhaps you have succumbed to any number of addictions and they have stolen your happiness. Maybe it’s a mental health issue launched in your life for whatever reason. You know your own situation and probably aren’t too happy with me for bringing up the issue yet again. Our peace of mind was fragile to begin with and now lays shattered on the floor. I hate the saying; "What doesn’t kill you makes you strong." Want to bet? If life’s trials built strength and stamina in my life I would have been superman a long time ago. Not that I wouldn’t like to fly but it’s just not going to happen.

       Some people have fake happiness. You know who they are. The smile permanently on their face when amongst others. Always have pleasant things to say. I would imagine their firing would bring out a; "Well thank you!" from them. When they are alone their world crashes. People can only be fake for so long. Except for lawyers and politicians! But then they, for the most part are an unhappy lot. The fake happiness often has a companion brought along for the day. "Fabricated happiness" in their one pocket and denial in the other makes their day a lot easier to handle…at least for them. Some people have the fake happiness as a means of attracting people to them. "I admire your ability to smile when you are going through such awful circumstances." Sometimes we want to smack the smile right off fake happiness people. But that would only give us temporary happiness. We want to have as close to perpetual happiness as we can get and we want to come by it honestly. Fake happiness people cannot face the real issues in life. This fake world is but a corral for all the difficulties in their lives. We all know that in order to get a traffic jam moving, the cars or trucks in front must move first. For some the requirement of a tow truck is necessary. So it is with fake happiness.

       We’d love to be happy a majority of the time. It’s a desire inside each and every one of us. In fact we have a credo that states we are entitled to the "pursuit of happiness." We can do something. But only if we truly want to. Deciding whether unhappiness is beneficial to our lives or not is the first area we have the opportunity to deal with. Unhappiness does become part of the cycle of growing up and maturing. Little things as well as large things stand in the way and we need to be able to deal with them and move on. Sometimes the unhappiness ushers in a whole new level of happiness. Let’s look at a couple of examples. How about your life before Christ and now after having received Christ? I was on the verge of suicide when I surrendered to God. That’s pretty unhappy! After, my life was changed. I’m not always happy but I do find many instances which render me happy. Not a bad thing. Where are you in your life with the surrendering of your life? If you aren’t surrendering your will and circumstances to God then there is another reason why you are holding onto them. Do you really think you can do a better job than God? I’ve done that quite a few times so I’m qualified as an expert at that one. I’m doing less of this as I learn that what God has for me is way better than I can bring about.

       Our families should love and respect us. That being said, we know it’s not always true. We all have that person who wants us as miserable as them. Even Ruth Graham stated that she had times when she was irritated with her husband Billy. Some of the family source of discontent comes from the following feelings: grudges, jealousy, anger, guilt, shame, and failure. Anyone dislike family get together events and holidays? The more attendee’s the higher the stress level. Some families have overcome many of the problems that plagued them by setting rules, defining acceptable groups of who would attend, and other similar methods that seem to work for the short term. Being happy is not the same as being tolerant. Being happy is a choice in the midst of life. Being tolerant is living in the midst of a conflicting world and doing nothing about our choice. For the Christian, the realization of who the family of God is helps to gain a positive position in life. Whenever the guilt card is played, unhappiness is sure to follow. Wherever anger is the reigning emotion, unhappiness is holding angers hand. When guilt shows up at the family event or amongst friends, unresolved resentments bring unhappiness to the surface. Shame is a powerful tool used against those with a lesser sense of self-esteem. Shame is used in this context to be the king of the hill. Shame leaves both parties in an unhappy aloneness they are unable to escape. So too failure in its reality doesn’t have its foundation built on happiness. Those who herald someone’s failure has some insecurities they are unhappy about. Wanting to spread the misery; past wounds are cut open and everyone loses.

       Even so, jealousy, anger, guilt, shame, failure sometimes are necessary for our growth and to a greater happiness. Without the opposite there would be no way to judge just how happy or unhappy we really are or can really be. Until we have either been jealous or were the brunt of jealousy there is little one can say they have experienced. This is likewise true of anger, guilt, shame, and failure. These life experiences give us a vantage point or a point of reference by which we can either move into a better place or dig ourselves deeper into the hole already begun. The stages of development in a person’s life from infancy to adulthood are passed through with both failures and successes. Many people have gone on before us and we can lean on their successes for our own journey. There are also many people who haven’t gone through these stages to the detriment of themselves as well as those who are involved in their world. You all know someone who it is said, "he/she just never grew up." But then you’ve not heard one adult say to another, "Why don’t you just grow up?"

       There are different ways to grow up and be happy. Accepting that which you cannot change is one of them. Changing what you can is another. I’m not saying you need to go to a 12 step program; I am saying it wouldn’t hurt. Being addicted to sick people is not healthy. Unhappy people (outside the norm) are not healthy when they live their lives in this mode. When we intentionally attach ourselves to them on their terms we are unhealthy. Unhappiness with those persons is bound to be brought upon you whenever you are with them. You might be thinking that my statements are unfair. I would love to be wrong. Tell you what, you separate yourself from unhappy people for one month and tell me if your life isn’t better. Just think what one year would be like.

       Therein is part of the problem. If our world is full of negativity we will develop the belief that this is the way the world is and resign ourselves to this as the happy we want. If our world is full of genuinely happy people who have bad days or moments then our world would most likely resemble this lifestyle. Whatever we believe will affect how we choose to live. Whoever we believe will affect our view of God. However we perceive God in our lives decides which problem we give over to him and which problem we keep for ourselves. Sometimes it’s just because we don’t believe anyone can help us that we settle for "not good enough."

        I’ve used the example before and here it is again. I don’t know why but I thought all my life that Subaru cars made in Sweden. No one ever corrected me. Not until my son who is 16 mentioned in a family conversation that the Asian Subaru was…I didn’t catch the rest. After he left I remarked to my wife the confusion. So, I went to the internet and sure enough, he was telling the truth. All my 60 years believing something that was false! I’m still amazed. It went to reason that other things in my life may have the same truth. I didn’t lose my happiness. I still think they are a great car. What I did was recalibrate my happiness with the new information. Granted this isn’t a huge issue that was robbing me of life. What it was is symbolic of the other areas in my life where I have wrong information. I was 38 years old when I discovered what the real meaning of love was. Now, I know that these areas of my life and other areas are transitory and with the right focus become better and better.

       There are a lot of people in the church who are not happy. There are a lot of people at your work, on the train or freeway, at the baseball game or in the supermarket who are not happy. The host of examples is both long and sad. I’m happy I’m not attached to many of those. While it’s nice to have someone or something else to lay the blame on, it is always my choice. When I don’t let others or circumstances steal my happiness, I win. When I do let others or circumstances steal my happiness everyone loses. The more I live my life with the happy lot of life, the happier I am. Keep up your guard in a healthy way is not bad. Keeping up your guard allows you to have an escape hatch when your conscience says "get away from here."

       Jesus took himself away from people on a regular basis so that he could be refreshed, rested, commune with the Father. There is no reason we cannot do the same. In fact we should follow his example. Being tired, wore out, or decimated will not present a best picture of any of us to others. Striving is focusing on the happy in this context. The sentence is transitory in that if we strive towards happiness then happiness will come. Real happiness, not fake happiness. The kind of feeling that comes from a well-grounded soul. When we are grounded events have a tougher time taking away our happiness. Remember that there will be times when we should be unhappy. Life is about being unhappy too. If I’m unhappy with my weight; happiness with my weight won’t make me lose weight. If I’m unhappy paying my car payment, buying a different car will not result in my happiness over the car payment. If I am unhappy with personality issues in myself, divorce and remarriage will not make those personality issues go away so I can be happy. You get the idea. Our idea of what will make us happy is not what God knows will make us happy.

       God knows that we will be happy when our lives are voluntarily surrendered to God. God knows best for every area of our lives. What would your life look like if you gave over control to God? What would be different if you did exactly what God wanted in every circumstance? Life would definitely be different. However, God also gave us freewill. The single most destructive force in our life. Given the choice, we will be selfish in most everything we encounter. Don’t think so? Next time you are caught in traffic, late for work, and just realized your daughter left her lunch in your car tell me how happy you are. Praise God for all of this adversity in my life! No, that’s not the first response we have. There are consequences we need to deal with in order for happiness to return. I have yet to find a Christian who has not had times of unhappiness in their lives. We don’t like those times. The difference is we know that once through those times we will again have happiness. Hope is what gives our happiness a chance of being reborn down the road. The loss of someone close to us is an unhappy event. At the time we cannot see how we could ever be happy again. Time is a great healer of hurts. Time will return the happiness when we choose to have it again in our lives. Please remember that it is always my choice.

       James tells us that it’s because we ask with wrong motives that our prayers are not answered. He goes on to say that we seek to consume for ourselves. Simply put, our prayers are not heard because we ask them in selfish manners. Our choices have a lot to do with whether God is happy with our choice. However, God chooses to always love us regardless of the choice we make. Big difference. We have the same issue going on in our lives. We don’t have to like what someone does or doesn’t do. We are constrained and compelled to love people anyway. When we do this we step out of the horrible negative trap brought into our presence. It’s been said that living well is the best revenge. Not that we should look for revenge. Rather that people get what’s coming to them whether I do anything or not. Their happiness, if believers, is dependent upon their choice. We need not take responsibility for other peoples choices. We can however be a blessing or a curse to people. The choice is always our own.

       We have spent a lot of time looking at different areas of life which should be lived for God. To understand all of God’s ways is not going to happen in my life. It isn’t supposed to be understood! Knowing God’s will for my life is something I am supposed to do. Whether I take the initiative or not is my choice. Listening is important to all of us. I remember when my children went through their years of development. Selective hearing was rampant in their teen years. I guess I was that way as well at that age. When we come to God and surrender to him we are saved from ourselves. Well, actually only those areas where we give over to God the rights to our life. Sanctification is a big word meaning the process by which God takes us from sinner to looking and acting like Jesus. This is a lifelong process. How fast or slow we go is determined by the choices we make based on His will. If I just address what I see could be better; lots of areas won’t be addressed.

       It would be a lie to say that being God’s is an easy process. It’s not. As we’ve seen throughout these pages the need for daily focus on surrender of our selves. When nothing matters more to us that Jesus and his resurrection, we are on our way to being fully God’s. We have a lot of pressures from the world to not be what God wants us to be. The infiltration of the secular world into our lives dilute our ability to surrender to God. When we surrender the war is over. When we surrender the peace of God that passes all understanding is ours. When we surrender, the priorities of our heart are God’s priorities. When we surrender, people see Jesus living through us. We should surrender before it’s too late. Remembering where we came from is good for us. Knowing where we are going is great for us. Live for God. It is always my choice.