Yesterday morning my PTSD was triggered and my day began quite depressed and angry. I know that some reading this will not know what PTSD is nor will they know what triggering is. So, PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which is brought about by circumstances of stress outside the normal range of human experiences. Triggering is where a memory or thought comes back with a suddenness that overwhelms the person causing anxiety, depression and anger all at the same time. When this happens I am first upset that the event is happening and then anxious that others not be affected by my present emotional state. The depression is always there so it is just heightened for the event. Not being able to put into words what is going on is an ongoing problem for those with PTSD. I'm no different. Though I have college masters degrees I find that my vocabulary isn't sufficient to describe to others what's going on inside of me. And so my day began. I try to not lay this on other people and write about it here because I'm not the only Christian who suffers from PTSD. However, Christians often do not talk about when things go wrong.
You could say that Christians are private people for all the wrong reasons. We tend to keep our personal laundry off the Christian clothes line because we don't think it's any one's business what is going on in our lives. This is evidenced in the media with their reports of a pastor attacking a police officer, children being molested by church staff, physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse of others by trusted people. We don't want this to get out. When it does there is often the blame put on others for that persons story. Yep, we make excuses for the guilty and blame the victim. Well, you say, "He/she must have done something to set so and so off." Really?! And how does a 5 year old do that to an adult? So we come to the temple where Jesus came face to face with the money changers. Huh? Stay with me. The money changers hadn't just decided to show up that day because they knew Jesus was coming to town. They were in the daily habit of selling their wares in the temple courts. Something forbidden by law but not corrected by the religious authorities. Why? Because they benefited from the business. So, when a major religious group is confronted by thousands and thousands of children molested by their priests we are not terribly offended until we find out that the "money changers" had been tending their own and avoiding the long reach of the law. The money changers were confronted and we know the result.
What goes wrong is quipped in this phrase: "All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men/women to do nothing." Nothing. That's what is done millions of times a day when things go wrong. Why? Because we are used to the "wrong" and say, "as they sometimes will..." We accept that this is the normal and don't do anything.
Back to the story I started with. I have an early morning appointment for cardiac rehabilitation after my heart attack and surgery. I was asked by the medical personnel who administer the program if I was okay. I told them the truth. I told them I was in a foul mood as I had been triggered. They were empathetic but didn't stop there. They cared enough to not let this just be another pat on the back situation. One in particular took the time to talk and listen. He knew of my PTSD and knew what to ask and how to ask it. Fifteen minutes later I was no longer triggered. I don't know if he is a Christian or not. I do know that when something had gone wrong as they sometimes will; that this wasn't the end. I wasn't left to deal with the issues alone. God's the same way. He knows about me. He knows about you. He knows that we have secrets that haunt us, plague others, and seek to destroy our relationships here on earth as will as with Him. Can we be honest? Can we be vulnerable? Can we be protected? Can we be encouraged? I hope so as things do go wrong for everyone.
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