Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away…

     However, today they rise and crash like an angry ocean.  Once held by the constraints of in check currents, now they break over those barriers and decimate any and all who traverse their range of influence.  At times my days go like this.  Repetitious as it may seem, there is a certain kind of order to how things interact within me.  Where once the movements inside of me were wild and crazy today they are manageable.  Well, kind of…

     I imagine much of my life and the lives of those around me have just such a roller coaster life.  Having to be at the mercy of PTSD, Lupus, and worse wears one down.  Yet, we are loved by a God who cares about every fiber of our lives.  Nothing happens to us or around us that he is not aware of.  He’s ready to help should we recognize the need.  He doesn’t go where he’s not invited.  I am mixed on my feelings about that.  On the one hand I love my individuality and yet, long for Him to take control and make everything alright.

     Yesterday is where a lot of people spend their lives.  I’m not just talking about physical yesterday; I’m also talking in history.  So they spend a lot of their lives trying to live a better yesterday instead of a new day and future.  Futile and unnecessary we watch our lives go nowhere, wish we were like so and so and try to wash away all that is wrong through one addiction or another.
     Though we would like to have our past and present changed, our fears over whelm us and we don't go anywhere where we cannot see or touch our past.  Though the Bible says "from glory to glory He is changing me." we don't really believe it.  So we spend our one day a week (or two if we are really diligent) we go to our other job for an hour or so.  Seen as a part time job or obligation, we comply and then go on the same way we were the rest of the week.  Nothing changes.  Especially inside of me. 
     Our hope lies in abandonment.  Sometimes even reckless abandon!  I'm not talking about our families, wife, kids, or pets.  I'm talking about the old man inside of me and inside of you.  When we abandon something we immediately look for something to replace that thing.  We don't do what we should do and engage whatever the Holy Spirit tells us to engage.  That would be too assuming on our part. 
     I find it funny that today I'm going to an appointment to have my eyes tested and new glasses ordered.  To see what?  I'd like to see me move forward in my life with Christ.  I'd like to see those I love move forward to what God holds in place for them.  But, I do it for the wrong reason.  I do it so that I don't have to move forward with change in my life that might mean leaving someone behind.
     "...yesterday, love was such an easy game to play..."  That's part of the way things are if we live in the past...games.  Games that take us no where at all.  Take, for instance, the advent of and evolution of the phone.  What doesn't our phone do today?  What is the next one going to be like?  All I know is we have a wonderful tool that we use to stay in "yesterday." 
     The cost is as high as you might imagine it to be in pursuing change that God would like to do in us.  "Yesterday, I still long for yesterday..."  No, I don't and won't today.  Today I will engage each moment as it presents itself.  Today I will relinquish my rights and live for God.  Today I will encourage those around me to do the same.  Today I will invite others to join my journey moving forward so that we don't lose each other.  Today, the storm will change and the tempest of the ocean will be stilled.  Today, all my hopes and dreams can be envisioned.