Sometimes life is stranger than fiction! Okay, a lot of the time life is stranger than fiction! However, I'm not the Lone Ranger or Tonto his trusty side kick. I've dubbed a fictional character the Lone Stranger because of the lack of understanding we have about who this friend or that friend is in reality. We tend to see people as we want or need to see them. Then when our expectations aren't met, we wonder what went wrong. This can get quite perplexing should the keep repeating itself. Unless we address this element in our lives we are not moving forward. Waiting for people to become like ourselves is insanity. Yet, there we are!
As a counselor I've worked with engaged and married couples who were having problems. It seemed that women more than men married with the expectation that "he" would change and become the man that "she" wanted. Men married with the expectation that "she" would be like his mother (except for the sex) and take care of his every need. Wrong on both counts. Relationships are not like that. Our waiting for relationships to fulfill those wants is frustrating and the reason so many are in counseling or divorce.
Add the intent to make a family (by any means) and a disaster is not only eminent but also a curse to be placed on their children. Yes, even the children are blessed or cursed by the parents choices. It's here that change either takes place and the road gets smoother or they fall off the cliff. Not really a nice alternative. The Lone Stranger is that one or couple that falls off the cliff. You see, the real problem is not knowing who we are and subsequently not knowing who we have married. He/she continues to think they are okay and the other person is the problem until it's too late or much damage has been done.
Just to be fair, this problem of the Lone Stranger happens to a lot of people not only in relationships but also at work or play. It's not enough that marriage or living together arrangements become problematic; but so do work and play with others. I'm sure that you are either a participant or know someone who is. Perhaps it's your spouse or sibling? Maybe it's one or more of your friends or even your children. I don't know who is in your life taking that role. But you do. What you do with that knowledge makes the difference between a good outcome or a bad outcome.
We love to know "stuff" about others yet remain private in our lives. The problem is usually some one else and not us. Our difficulty isn't solved by changing jobs, marriage, living situation. It's not solved at all. Nor will it be solved until we know who God has made us to be. Understanding "his image" is the key to eliminating the Lone Stranger we are. Sometimes I hear my wife say; "I'm surprised you feel that way." Of course she is. Men tend to hold stuff inside (even good stuff) while women tend to lay more out on the table. It's just the way it is. This doesn't need to remain that way and shouldn't.
Knowing ourselves and being known to others is probably one of the scariest choice we can or do make. Risking others knowing us is dangerous. So, it's better to know ourselves from God's inspection. Who are we in Christ? The reason this is so important is because God created us and what we are to be. Yet, he cannot force us to change. The caveat being if we are as God intended us to be, there will be better understanding of who we are by others. At least there should be. Allowing God to not only reveal who we were created to be may make cause us to evaluate who is in our life and why.
Asking the question is the most difficult decision. Praying, "God please reveal who you would like me to be." is powerful. Don't ask it if you aren't wanting to examine your life and find out what God wants your life to be like. A dilemma that arises is as God changes us, we expect others to change with us. Being left in the dust previously in my life I do understand. No, I didn't like it either. Nor should you. Embracing God's love, acceptance and approval is wonderful. We just need to get rid of the obstacles we have placed in between us in order to see ourselves as God sees us.
We do not need to be the Lone Stranger. It's not what God intended.
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