Depending on a lot of different variables falling in love can be easy or the hardest thing you will succumb to. Falling in love is NOT winning. Nor it falling in love accidental. Falling in love just isn't fun when you figure out that this is a team sport. You may fall in love with them; but they don't necessarily fall in love with you. Sometimes life can bring about the cruelest of event that had the potential of being wonderful.
First off falling in love is dependent upon some circumstances. Like age. Whether you loved your blankie or stuffed animal, this is most likely to mark the first time you developed love or the beginning of what love was to be. All of my kids had one or the other. Being able to separate the item of affection and the child was an emotional struggle. The struggle ended when you decided to wash this item of affection during a nap...there's not yours! Love is about attachment and comfort. This phase of love develops and matures in order for us to recognize the next level of love.
We know that kids want to be loved and to feel safe with mom and dad. This is a love with expectations of what mom or dad can do for you. Although it is difficult maintaining love of the person who can take you for ice cream or shopping; it's necessary to move forward to the next level of love. Keep in mind that a missing mom or dad make this step of falling in love difficult if not impossible. Whether the parent missing parent is present in another form makes a world of difference. It's important to look at your parents in light of their decision to be separated and/or divorced. The model of love changes if this is the setup. By the time early teens come around the life focus has been established. That doesn't mean that there is nothing left to learn about love. Love is an evolving trait. To those who see the need in their lives to love and be loved there is the yearning. Depending on the reason for the yearning love is either frustrating or fulfilling. Sometimes both at the same time!
In child development there are stages that are necessary for a healthy life. The move from dependence to independence mark the stage of development you are experiencing. For some these stages do not happen or only kick in when the person is old enough to want to be truly loved by someone. What we receive and understand as an infant and toddler sets the stage for a lifetime. By the age of 5 most toddlers have the basic form of life and love necessary to move into the teenage years. I'm not sure I want to go there...but here goes!
When we fall in love the person of our affection is most often not even aware of how we feel about them. With social networking we are able to connect and express ourselves better to the object of our affection. Whether it's a teacher or someone who takes our breath away; the rest of the world ceases to exist. All you can see is she/he. Nothing else matters. She/he is more important than love for blankie, parents, siblings, grandparents, friends or others who interact with us. This focus on our someone is essential for down the road "real" love and "real" relationships. Yes, it's true that we do move through this time and most likely will drop this love for something better.
Women are better at moving on then men. Why? Because they are better equipped to deal with personal emotions than men. Love is attached to feelings and expectations. Before leaving adolescence we should develop a little bit of balance between what we want and what we are for real going to have. We are still self focused and not very concerned about the object of our affection. What develops prior to this stage is important. As we move out of adolescence our focus is not so much what we want (though that is still there) but it's also about what we can give. Being able to give oneself to another should be mutual. No one should "own" the other. Making a choice to not own and not be owned is crucial. The only one we should be sold out to is Jesus. There is a true love expressed towards you. How is this so?
I'm glad you asked! Jesus is and should be the model worth following. Jesus practiced love in so many situations and in so many different venues that we can feel confident that He knows what love is and what it is not. IF we should be so brave as to apply his definition of love to the other areas of our life; we would know what true love is. Jesus tells us that we should not feel overwhelmed with the process. A key to godly love is in how others express love to you. That means they are not selfish. Jesus' love is unselfishness personified. Being willing to give up our rights in order to love and be loved is the most difficult task we are able to obtain and express. Finding someone who shares this model of love is precious and worth everything outside of our relationship with Jesus.
As we age through the teen years we gain experience with what others truly want from you. If they don't want the best for you then they do not deserve your love. If the other person doesn't want you to first and foremost have a relationship with Christ, they don't have your best interests in their heart. This goes for any age and not just our teen years and young adult years.
Finally, we get to that most dreaded part of our desire for love and to give love. We tend, as human beings, to "settle" for less than we envision. Desperation prods us on by bringing up ways we could still obtain love with this person. Don't waste your time. Wait for the godly man or woman God wants you to have. Biblically speaking, love is forever there inside of us. We should be cultivating that love but set it aside when we get to that point of frustration. Don't settle...ever. Don't expect others to settle either. Love is denial of self from all three directions. We exercise love for Jesus, others and yourself (JOY) and grow to be able to love intimately and forever. Don't settle...ever.
Love should fit our soul like a nice pair of leather gloves fit our hands. It isn't too big or small. Love isn't any particular color, and endures for a long time. Love never fails. If you and I truly love with Godly love, it will never fail. Likewise, others are able to love us in the way God wants them to love us. Falling in love can be painful and rewarding. I like the imperative in 1 Corinthians 13. Love is kind. Be kind to yourself and others.
Love...a very complex simple expression.
ReplyDelete