I don't want MY life back

     Neither do you!  We seem to receive great pleasure in trying to hold onto our own lives while missing the point that being in Christ means we no longer live but Christ lives in us.  Let's see, I grew up an unbeliever, did things I cannot repeat on paper, lived the life of seeking personal pleasure, hated some while detesting most of the others, broke all but one of the 10 commandments (some several times), and denied Christ many times when it was convenient for me.  Why would I want to leave all of that?  Wasn't I having fun?  Didn't I have the time of my life?  There were so many in the same boat that I didn't need to row!  Why would I want to give all of that up?  Drank, smoke (drugs too!) and swore with the worst of them.  Cheated on my wives many times, didn't spend the time being a role model to my children.  Wasn't I having fun though?  No matter which way you slice it, the cake is the same.  I THOUGHT I was living life good.  I wasn't.  I THOUGHT I had that which would make and keep me happy.  It didn't.  Like King Solomon, there was no end in my seeking pleasure in the world.  That didn't work for him and it didn't work for me.  I didn't have 300 wives and 600 concubines and all the riches either.  Truthfully, I wasn't happy, content, and peaceful.
     When we are in the world, we don't have anything that God has for us.  We may think we have and we may even thank God for giving us that money to drink after work in the bar every night.  We may think it's our "man's" place to come home, sit in front of the TV watching sports while the "woman" does everything else.  We might even think tolerating going to church once in a while is a sign that we are Christian.  None of that is true.  Having spent many years counseling people who had many different kinds of problems I know that Christians (for the most part) have tried to run their own lives and are now messed up to the point they need help.  Two types of people entered my counseling practice.  The first looked for the signs that I had what it took...a degree from somewhere prestigious.  The second were the ones who looked for help.  The former didn't want help as much as evidence that they had fulfilled a promise to a spouse, children, boss or the courts.  The latter were the ones who were ready to give up.  Many were suicidal from time to time.  Three of my clients committed suicide in spite of giving my best.  We may think we have given our lives to God but the evidence shows that isn't true.  We are still trying to run our own lives.
     There was a young man who had reached the "end" as he saw it.  He had indulged in anything and everything to keep the pain and sense of worthlessness subdued.  The death of a close friend drove him to despair.  As the depression worsened he sank down into that terrible hole that many fall into.  He decided to commit suicide one night and with his .45 caliber pistol on the table decided to find out if there was something else.  He prayed for the first time saying, "God, if you are out there..."  He didn't get out anymore words as he felt a warm hand on his left shoulder and God's presence filled that room.  He knew then that God was real, the Bible was true, and that Jesus, his son, had come, lived and died for the sole purpose of saving him.  He gave his life to Jesus that night and his old life was gone and his new life infused into him.  I don't want my life back.  I was that man.  I was faced with the choice of my life.  Not one of many; but THEE choice of my life.  It had always been my choice and today, it's your choice.  It has always been your choice.