While it's true that we are to learn from our mistakes, it seems that for some of us the mistakes need to be repeated or we need to be reminded of them so that we can learn yet again those lessons; be they good or bad. I have what I like to call a "chain of events memory" where I am in the middle of minding my own business when "something comes up." That something reminds me of a similar time, space or event where there is a past connection. This is impossible to do for the future. I have med a person through a Craigslist barter. Her name is Susan. She has terminal 4th stage cancer and is soon going to die. She has breast cancer which was aggressively treated. My oldest sister has had breast cancer and survived. My second oldest sister has had breast cancer and survived. My mother had brain cancer and didn't survive. My oldest brother had cancer and didn't survive. Each has put up a strong and exhausting fight to get where they are. So, meeting Susan has connected the chain of events memory and here I am considering all the "rabbit trails" that go off those stories. My personal scare of cancer twice and twice found to be negative comes to mind. Unless you have been there you don't know or appreciate the stress and undoing of people similarly affected.
I've tried to rewrite the past for all those who suffer around me. I've tried to rewrite mine as well. There is no solace in the fact that only those who have loved much are able to feel hurt so much. Psychopaths and sociopaths aside, the rest of the world feels others hurt to some degree. Only those who have tragedy come close to where they live feel the grief that accompanies that degree of hurt. I'm grieving for Susan similar to what I did for my siblings, mother and others with cancer. It's no different from so many other tragedies around us on a daily basis. An innocent child snatched from his father's hands by an alligator. Some driver high on drugs or alcohol driving into a bunch of bicyclists killing several. A deranged religious freak opening fire on a bunch of people because of their sexual choice. They all trigger the chain of events memory. Some days I don't watch the news and busy myself so that I am not triggered by such memories. Why does God allow this? Because he gave us free will. What's he done about this? He's given us free will.
Reading through the Psalm's I see David in one breath praising God and worshipping as a true believer and then in the next moment lamenting that God has abandoned him and he's about to be killed. David understood. God understands. Memories are for a purpose. They are to set us free and not imprison us. What I choose to do with my memories is important in my maintaining freedom created and desired by Jesus in my life. He's done the same for you. My chain of memories comes and goes as the situations in my life change. They are there to build empathy, mercy and grace towards others as well as towards myself. When a Susan comes into your life or my family members have what your family members deal with; there is a renewed sense of why we through the love of God have been given the ability to feel with them, to feel for them and to do something other than turn our eyes away or bury ourselves into our drugs, alcohol or work. Significant choices lie in front of us. Jesus said that he wanted us to be all things to all people by allowing him who was all things to us live through us. It's a choice. I remember that my history of life with Jesus has been a choice that I've not regretted even when it was terrible. There was, after the fact usually, a reason why this or that happened. That reason was so that we can have a relationship with other people that is beneficial in sustaining the body of Christ while displaying what REAL Christian living is all about.
My choice, your choice, and the rest of the Christian's choices determine whether or not your world, the world sees Jesus or you. I've chosen to let them see Jesus. What's your choice?
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