"I'm sorry." has become as misused phrase as the word "love". We love our beer. I'm sorry. We love our car, jewelry, sports team, or whatever. I'm sorry. I broke a nail. I'm sorry. You do something that is hurtful to yourself and we snicker as we say, "I'm sorry." We love to have the last laugh and then say "I'm sorry." It's not our fault but we say "I'm sorry." anyway just so that the issues can be bypassed. We're not politically correct. I'm sorry. We are offensive to others. I'm sorry. When we have sinned and come to Jesus. I'm sorry. As a small boy I was physically and psychologically abused in my home. My story has been told before so I won't repeat it here again. In the 5th grade I learned that others expected me to apologize or be sorry for what I did that wronged them. Yet, my behavior and expectations didn't change until as an adult in therapy I realized for the first time that no one who had injured me had ever said thy were sorry. I didn't know what the phrase "I'm sorry." meant. No one had taught me that this was a very important piece of equipment in my bag to take and use in my life. Why should I say "I'm sorry" when I didn't know what it meant.
"I'm sorry" has taken a different place in communication amongst Christians. I'm sure others as well but this blog is about Christians. No apology. "I'm sorry" is used to defuse or deflect and no longer to reflect a state of heart and mind. "I'm sorry that you were offended by what I said." and "I'm sorry that I said what I said." are two different statements about the same situation. One accepts responsibility and the other deflects responsibility. Ownership of our behavior has been replaced with deflecting away from us the responsibility for that behavior. "I'm sorry that you are offended." is about the other person. "I'm sorry that I offended you." is about me and my actions. There is a difference. No one should have to make me take ownership of the errors of my ways. I should take that position myself and own the initiation of the event that was wrong. Don't get me wrong, you and I don't need to accept other people saying we are wrong. What we do need to do is be on top of our game and reflect the heart of Jesus. To that point, we need to have a standard that says I'll say, do and think what God wants me to say, do or think. Should I be concerned about making God the first response from my life two things will be accomplished. The first is my taking ownership of my relationship with God and representation of that relationship to my world. The second accomplishment is I will be unable to develop standards for everyone else and will cease holding them accountable for my standards. That's not my place in the body of believers.
"I'm sorry you feel that way, I feel differently." This is a polite way, a Christian way, of saying: I understand how you feel, I don't feel that way and I won't fight about how we differ. Understanding that God never asks us to defend him. Understand that God never tells us that we need to tell the world how wrong they are. Understand that people have freedom of choice and can do with God as they please. Understand that we are His to do His will in His way and at His time. Should I concentrate on being who God wants me to be I won't have any time to try and fix everyone else or make everything right, or even expect anyone to be what God wants them to be. The mandate to love God supersedes all other loves. If we concentrate on the love of God then our hearts are right with Him who loves us. If our hearts are right with God then our motives with mankind are pure. God has no "I'm sorry." clause in the Bible. Why? Because he created you and I with free will. He created us to "want" what he has to offer. That's exactly what he wants us to do in our world. God wants us to think, say and do in such a manner that others want what we have. Does your life cause people to want what you have? Or do you say, "I'm sorry."
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