Just what was I thinking?

     That's the question many of us ask of ourselves after we have made a commitment to be or do or say something for someone else.  My son was 6 when he came up to me all excited after I arrived home from work. He excitedly told me that he was going to play soccer.  I told him that was great and encouraged him.  He then said that it was even better than that and then told me I was coaching.  Coaching?  I'd never played a minute of soccer, watched a minute of soccer, or even thought about going to a match...ever!  Doing what any father would do under those circumstances I asked my wife, "What did you do?  What does it mean that I'm coaching soccer for Jeremy?"  She explained that without a coach there would be kids without a team and hence unable to play.  So, I went to the books (yes actual books), watched some soccer on TV and then off to coach a team of 15 6 year olds!  What could go wrong?  What DIDN'T go wrong!  There were parents there who had kids who were obviously previous players.  The parents knew more than I knew!  But, we played, won some and lost some, and had a lot of fun.  I'm thinking that despite my schedule, school, parenting and other activities that I did pretty good.
     Years later (he's in 8th grade now) Jeremy comes home to announce that he is playing JV football and that he signed me up for assistant coach.  "It's just in case the real coach doesn't show up."  Really!?  I have never played, watched or involved myself in football other than to know that it was the sole focus of so many men around me.  So I showed up at the first practice and asked, "Where is the coach?"  "Oh, he's going to be a little late."  Right!  The last 5 minutes of a hour practice with a coach who didn't know anything and now he shows up.  Just in time to rescue the kids from all my ideas of how soccer intertwined with football.  I didn't realize and wasn't told that the primary job of the coach is to not show up and to be late to practices and games.  The assistant coach was supposed to take care of all of that.  In the first game I put our quarterback in to play defensive line!  What are you doing and why are you doing it?  Those are the thoughts that raced through my mind.  We made it through our season with me now not only head coach but only coach.  Seems like the head coach couldn't be bothered.
     My life has been marked with events where I walked away thinking "Just what was I thinking?" Whether it was sports with the kids, school projects that that mean old teacher gave me a B on, or just my own self made dilemmas, I managed to muddle through events in my life that I never dreamed I would be able to do.  Parenting and marriage follow in that same vein.  Parenting is something one does as it goes along.  It's important to note that small or large decisions put ourselves in places where we are left thinking about what we were thinking.  Doubt comes from inside but is fed from the outside.  "You ought to leave that to someone who's done it before."  "You can't do that."  "You will just look like a fool doing that."  You've probably heard these or something similar in your world.  Don't let it get you down.  No one can do everything.  BUT everyone can do something even if it's outside your comfort zone.  We don't have to create the mantel that becomes our lives as it develops naturally by the efforts of others.  That creator is the school of hard knocks.  It's the goof you make that actually makes another's life for the day.  If we remain in communion with God he will bring us to a place where we can explore what we can and cannot do.  He will do all of this without our needing to be an expert at anything.  He who begins a good work in us will bring it to fruition.