Those who know me know that I'm accident prone, inattentive, and that sometimes I don't listen. There are a few more that I could add but let's just say that Murphy is my best friend. Maybe you have someone like me in your life. Maybe they cause carnage wherever they go as well. So many times I have tried to explain who I am and why I am the way that I am that I am discouraged. Having finally come to a relatively level place in my life (look out) I wanted to share some observations that on the surface have nothing to do with each other. In reality they are all connected and meant to teach not only me but those around me about life. It's not that I have the corner on the market of knowledge of life. I don't. You don't have the market cornered either. The Bible says that God knew everything I would think, do, say for my entire earthly life before I was conceived. He must be laughing now! He even included the part that despite my earthly life he would always love me. That's the good part. He sent Jesus to clinch the deal. That's the great part!
Anne was the nurse in attendance at Cardiac Rehabilitation this morning. (Hence, why I'm late getting this written.) I hadn't seen Anne for some time as she had been on a different assignment. She was the nurse that took the first laps with me around the place when I first arrived a month after open heart surgery. I remember. To say that I was in terrible shape would have been an understatement. As she took me around that small room she said that I was important. She went on to say God had a reason for my being there. Wow! It took me several visits before I began to see there was a decision I needed to make. Did I want to live or did I want to die. Paul said that to die would mean being in the presence of Jesus. That's not bad. He also said he lived so that he could finish the race set before him. Paul wasn't a lot of help this morning. What was a help was that this was to be MY decision just like it was for Paul. I decided to live. It was a good move. I threw myself into my therapy and was rewarded with loss of weight, strength I hadn't had for a long time and the challenge that God wasn't finished with me yet.
One day I was on the Internet and read about a young lady on the east coast promoting a program for a specific group of the population. The Semi-colon Project has sprung up from a small starting point. The semi-colon comes from the English language in a time when writers didn't want to end a sentence because there was more to be said on the subject. The English knew what they were doing and the use of the semi-colon stuck. This young lady had introduced the same thought for those of us who have survived attempted suicide. The semi-colon is a metaphor for our lives. Apparently, unknown to us, there was more to be said about our story. There was more to be lived, experienced and shared. The challenge was to go and LIVE your life. For the traumatized, wounded and hopeless this is a big challenge. Living with daily pain both emotional and physical seems insurmountable. To suffer silently was even worse. Feelings that others didn't know how you felt or even believed you confronted the challenge daily. If you see a semi-colon on a piece of clothing, tattooed on some one's wrist, or in an article; understand that the story hasn't been completely told.
I went back to the fire station from which the fireman and paramedics came to save my life on 2/18/15 at 1:30 PM. When I walked into the fire station I met their commander and explained why I was there. I was there to share what had transpired because they were there that day and that hour. I talked with all the paramedics and fireman there that day. I told them that I too had been in their shoes many times as a police officer and worked side by side with them. Only once or twice to hear what good I had done. I wanted them to know that they were forever part of my story and that they had blessed me beyond measure. When I was done I went around and looked them in the eyes and shook their hands. They are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Every time I hear a siren I know they are going somewhere, possibly in harms way, to do what they do. They are there to insert the semi-colon into someone else's life. They are the Anne who walk the laps with those whom they come in contact with.
This is my life. Horrendous things have taken place in my life from my earliest memory. All for a reason. I've experienced more pain and sorrow than most people I know and yet I know many who have had it way worse than I. I've resigned myself to the fact that my life is not normal. My life is an anomaly set in place by a loving God who wants me to bring that first walk around the room to someone else. That's my place right now. It's just one of those things that happens to me... I'll get used to it one day. In the meantime, I'm happy to be who I am where I am.
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