Sunday, January 4, 2015

Talking "to" or talking "with"?

     "I was talking with a friend the other day."  "I was talking to a friend he other day."  On the first glance these are saying the same thing.  While there are many variations of these statements we will use just these two to look at our conversing amongst people in our circle.  "Talking with" is an example of joint communication between yourself and either someone or a group.  "Talking o" is an example of our telling someone or some group something.  The joint communication in the first example is how God communicates with us.  God does some talking "to" as well.  Considering the different languages on earth, adjust this discussion for your language. 
     When growing up most of us fall into the category of being talked to by our parents and maybe even extended family.  This is accomplished because we are being taught or having something explained.  We talk to kids telling them to not touch the hot stove.  We don't talk in a conversing way (with) because of the immediate issue.  We can always talk with them later.  The element of talking "with" begins early and overtakes the talking "to" with age and maturity.  By the time we reach the teen years when teens now know everything, the roles seem to reverse.  Hopefully this is just for a season of growth.  When we reach adulthood there is an expectation that "with" and "to" are evenly balanced.  Sometimes we will be heavy on the "with" and sometimes heavy with the "to" scenario.  Regardless of situation or age, both are important to communication between any two persons or even in a group setting.  While talking with suggests respectful hearing, talking to suggests we are plying our opinion.
     Frame of mind is an important element to both with and to.  If I am angry I'll tend more towards talking to than talking with.  If I am in love my talking tends to be more with than to.  These extremes belie the scope of our lives.  Do we choose a spouse who can be talked with or are we looking for someone to talk to?  When we choose to go to college and pursue an interest; is it driven by the future when we can comfortably talk to versus talking with?  Work has it's dangers as well.  We are told what our job is by our employer.  Obviously with is nowhere to be found.  We are encouraged to share our opinion because with is also there.  As we earn the right to speak and be heard the talking to gives way to talking with.
     At times we are only able to give quick instructions to someone in a talking to situation.  What people hear is sometimes different from what we say.  Instead of relying on people to listen with us we ask people to listen to us.  Again, whether we are seen as a peer or not makes all the difference in the world.  Talking with indicates some level of intimacy where talking to suggests a separation of two individuals.  Our goal may be to talk with someone where a level of intimacy has been developed between the parties involved.   This requires both parties to be invested in the communication.
     Within our faith, we are talked to by God who explains our need for him in our lives.  When we have learned the lesson and accepted the lessons and decided to give our lives to Jesus, we begin talking with God because there is now an intimate environment and relationship created.  As we continue on in our walk there are times when we assert ourselves and talk to God instead of with God.  When we do this we need to go back to basics and be able to communicate with a God who loves us and is dedicated to us and our well being.  How many times we cycle through this is all on us.  God is always ready to meet with us, listen to us, talk with us and just be with us. 

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