Just what you needed...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.  Advice.  They come in various venues but always with someone elses point of view.  Well intentioned people with their advice come out of the wood work when they perceive a need whether asked for or not.  In direct opposition are those who don't speak but we wish they would.  Wisdom and insight is best when wanted.  While the well intentioned may have wisdom and insight, they rarely check out if someone wants their wisdom and insight.  On the contrary, wise people who have much sought after advice tend to sit back, observe and only offer when asked.  I don't know of a single teenager (and some adults) who hate "the lecture" on various areas of their lives.  I don't like lectures.  I don't like unasked for advice either.  Lectures are particularly bad because of the motive.  Driven by an "I told you so mentality" the lecture is formed to make you feel lower than a snakes belly.  "What a failure you are!"  I've personally been told that face to face.  I don't like being around people like that.  "Well, if you had done this like I would have done this, none of that would have happened."  Please move to a farm in Canada!  Maybe that's not far enough away either.  We all have people like this in our lives.  I used to be one.  Sometimes I catch myself still starting to go there and need to turn around and be better.  Ah, youth!  The time of life when you know everything!  With age most people grow out of this behavior or at least minimize the events where we would be prone to give advice unwanted.  "And I'll tell you another thing!"  This usually follows the lecture and the expectation is that we now are being educated by the deep and profound wisdom of the lecturer.  Not only are you wrong but you are ignorant to boot!  Why won't people just listen.  There are many occasions when all that is requested from us is silent listening, holding and just being there.  That is just what we needed.  Often the tender listening says it all.  Have you ever had a conversation with someone who obviously was not listening?  Perhaps they were tired of the conversation.  Most likely they were just waiting for a chance to jump in and give us just what we needed according to them.  We become so wary of the well intentioned that slowly at first and more quickly later in life we stop sharing.  We stop asking.  We stop.  Our faith in our fellow man is once again shattered and lies broken all over the floor around you.  This is NOT just what we needed.  It certainly isn't what I need.  "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times..."  "Oh, for the love of God, did you do that AGAIN?"  "Won't you ever learn?"  "What, have you rocks in your head?"  We've been on both ends of this from time to time in our lives.  No one is perfect.  Every one fails.  Some get back up having learned a lesson.  Others get back up to be even more dedicated to their well intentioned lives.  An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but what keeps these people away?  I needed someone, anyone, to listen just the other day.  Surrounded by no one to listen I went inside.  Inside is not a good place for me.  Unless I invite God into that space.  He listens and comforts.  The Bible tells us that he makes all things new.  Even me.  And so it is that we make it through life.  Not by the grace of people but by the grace of God.  William James quipped "We may have a God in Heaven who forgives us our sins, but mankind does not."  How true.  The grace of God IS just what we needed.  We may have looked to find that in a person in our circle and not found the grace that we needed.  Sometimes I wake up in the morning and find myself in a funk...depressed...angry and wanting to share with someone.  I don't because I don't want the lecture.  I don't want any advice.  I don't want education from someones point of view.  I want the comfort of grace.  So, the next time you are tempted to give people just what you think they should have, listen to just what they need.  Both of you will be transformed.  Grace changes things.