I can't even imagine all the times I have been told "I love you" by children and adults. Sometimes they were genuine and sometimes they were not. We all come to the table with our own definitions of what love is and what love isn't. For instance, "I love my beer." is different from "I love your spirit." Get the point? In order to live the Christian life we must understand that we may have been given a defective definition of what love is between people. My love of my friend Steve is healthy and good for both of us. My love for my children is good and also healthy. My love for my car gets me nowhere! Because it's an old car and currently not running. It's not able to give me anything in return for what I give or don't give it. Love isn't about what we do either. We have jobs, activities, passions and professions we have loved or even currently still love. For me the love of being out on the property doing the gardening, taking care of the garden and greenhouse and constructing things from wood and glass are important. However, not everyone loves what I love and I certainly don't love everything about what others love. Loving a sports team is not high on my list and neither is going to the local bar after work for a "drink with the boys."
So, when it comes to relationships we are in a bit of a quandary. Without the basic understanding of where love comes from, what it is made up of and knowing how to love we are lost before we begin. We are destined to repeat what we saw in our family of origin circle, the relationships of those who were older than us in our community and the world in a general sense. For some this is a simple subject and shouldn't be cluttered with facts and emotions. For the Christian (we are on a Christian blog!) love comes from what we are taught in church remaining congruent with what we were and are being taught at home combined with that which the community expects of Christians. "I thought you said you were a Christian?" That is one of the most loaded questions to come before a Christian with it's implication that our failure disqualifies us to represent the faith. So, what is the Christian to do? When we look at our example of Jesus and his love for us, what do we do with our lives and our choices?
I was recently asked about what my definition of love was. Here is what I believe Godly love expressed through Christians is...absence of selfishness. That may sound rather simple. When I look at the life of Christ as an example and definition of love I understand he was and is perfect and I'm not able to be perfect every second of every day. Here is where Christ comes in. We cannot love. We are fallen creation born in sin. We lost the ability to be godly when Eve and Adam sinned. The first sin was an act of selfishness even if it came out of a situation where they were tempted. Sin and love cannot exist in the same space. We are unable to be sinless so we are unable to fully love. What we can do is understand that we are able to love only to the extent that we receive love from God. Just because we ask Jesus to come into our hearts, we don't necessarily make the jump to loving ourselves as Jesus loves us. If we aren't able to accept the love of God we have no means to pass on something we don't have. God sees us as completely righteous after we turn our lives to him. His love is available for us to have should we also believe that he has forgiven us. When we live as forgiven instead of forgotten, the love of God can manifest itself in us. When the love of God is manifested in us we are able to give away the love of God to others to that degree we have received. Jesus was selfless in his life on earth to the point of laying down his life for me. If I had been the only sinner on earth he would have still done this for me.
We are encouraged to love God and love others with the love he gives us. God never intends anything negative toward us in his love for us. Can we say the same about the love we think is from God that we exercise and pass onto others? None of us can give away something we don't have. If we don't have the love of God, we cannot give it away. We are unable to get the love of God without the surrender of our lives to him. If we retain possession of sections of our lives the love of God cannot remain in those areas. Whatever is keeping us from relinquishing those areas of our lives is the god of those areas of our lives. In that state we pass on what that god has for us. I love sex but sex is not love. I love good food but good food is not love. I love friends but friends are not love. I love books, gardening, woodworking but none of them are love. I love God and God is love. See the difference? Do you love God? In the end, it will not matter what we have said and done. What will matter is what we have done with the love of God given to us. Let go of self and see what the love of God can do through you. The more you experience His love the less you will want the love of the world. The more you separate yourself from the love of the world the more love God will open your eyes to. What is your choice?
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