It was once my habit to say, "I have much to be thankful for." That's not exactly accurate. "I have everything to be thankful for!" is definitely more accurate. Over the years I have been able to see more of what is really real in my life and what is not. "Real" goes to the head of the class. I know it sounds confusing but hear me out. When I was a child, I thought as a child. My idea of what was going on was tainted by my world. While tainting can be positive or negative, the result is the same. Namely, my belief in what to be thankful for was more surface than today. Thankfulness is something that exists in two world. There is worldly thankfulness where we thank our mechanic for fixing our car and the plumber for fixing a problem. Then there is God's thankfulness where we realize as we age that everything we have in our lives is a gift of God. I'm still having a problem with anchovies and spiders but do know that God created both for a purpose. What I'm talking about today is thankfulness that goes beyond both what I was taught and what I believe.
Most everyone who knows me knows that I've had in the past year a heart attack and bypass surgery. If you every want to take a reality check, this is a surefire way to go to the base of reality and what is really real. When you believe you are about to die what is important takes on a whole new meaning. Having the ability to talk just one more time with your family, friends, a child, a spouse, make right with an enemy, finishing stagnant parts of your life all carry a heavy load in those moments when they are hooking you up to all those wires. When they put in the IV and fluid begins to enter your body you realize that except for the grace of God there would be no blood flowing in your veins. While "to be absent from the world is to be present with God, I wasn't ready for that yet. Yes, I am ready to be with Jesus but I'm not ready as well. When they took me to surgery and the anesthesia began to take effect a mixture of euphoria and fear traversed my mind. Would I wake in heaven or the recovery room?
Real reality is intense. The realization that except for the grace of God we cannot even take a breath is overwhelming. The realization that except for the grace of God our loved ones could be gone in the next moment. For some of us that is true as well. The realization that except for the grace of God we wouldn't be able to right some of those (or all of those) wrongs we have left hanging in our closet. I'm very thankful for the grace of God. It sounds selfish (and I suppose it is) that I want all the grace of God all the time in all aspects of my life. I have spent the last year learning that lesson. Sometimes I don't act like I'm thankful. Forgive me. Sometimes I haven't acted gracious. Forgive me. Sometimes my selfishness denied someone else. Forgive me. It's all a matter of informed choice. When I was a child my idea of thankfulness and Thanksgiving was more like selfishness and Thanks taking! Today we have a chance to go to that next level of understanding the life we are living at the graciousness of God who provides for our every need. Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
No comments:
Post a Comment