I remember telling people I was adopted when I was in my early teens. My life was so different than my siblings that I felt I must have been adopted. I remember asking my mom if I was adopted. She was hurt by the question but answered that I was not adopted. It would be years later that I would deal with that feeling and that time of my life. I didn't get what I wanted then but would get what I needed later in life.
I was looking at one of my many scars lately and even though the surgeon had done a great job the line left in the scar was crooked. It's not a major issue and I certainly won't have plastic surgery to get rid of the scar. Like anything in life the innocence of the original was punctuated by the interruption and new course of my life. The scar replaced that which was original. It's that way in our thinking and our emotions as well. Not all scars are visible. Sometimes the internal scars are by far the largest breach of innocence. They are internal and we spend so much of our life trying to hide them and to hide from them. Often with little or no success.
It was at a store near my house that a pedestrian saw my vehicle parked in a handicapped parking space with me in the vehicle. She stopped and in a fairly sarcastic voice said, "What's your handicapped? You don't look handicapped to me." I assured her of my status and showed her my card verifying my handicap. Her response was, "You don't look handicapped to me." and left. How many times had I said to myself those very same words when I had observed the person's movement. We don't know any ones journey unless we get to know them. Often, after we get to know them, we find ourselves being more sympathetic and sometime even defensive in our protection of them.
I became a Christian when I was 20. God transformed much of my life. There were healed relationships, deliverance from myself and healing for a lot of my wounds. God knew my wants and needs...he still does. He heals the wounds we ask him to heal. Sometimes he does it on the spot. Sometimes he seems to not do it at all because the healing comes with a long wait and a lot of work. I was a lot of work.
My father and I have never been able to get to know each other. My earthly father was resistant to any kind of overture I would make to heal our relationship. The abuse had been healed (as much as it could be at that time.) and I wanted to know my dad and have a relationship. I wanted and needed to be love, accepted and approved of. He never was able to give me anything in my adult years. What he gave me prior to my adult years I would work on healing until Jesus takes me home. When my father developed Alzheimer's the chance of having a relationship was slowly taken away from he and I. When he died my ability to know him and for him to know me was forever gone.
After becoming a Christian I read the Bible...several times. For many years I had struggled with God the Father of the Old Testament. I saw him in the same way I saw my dad. That wasn't good and it wasn't the truth. It would take many years for me to be comfortable with God the Father and accept his love for me. When I finally saw what I was doing I had to change my way of thinking. As I began thinking about Jesus opening the door for my adoption to his family, I realized what that father/son relationship could be. As I discovered the loving Father through out the Bible I also discovered Jesus anew. I was an orphan that the Father took to his breast and comforted. Adopted, my life was never to be the same. Even today I am moved by the thought that He took me seriously and lavished love upon me AND adopted me as his son.
I won't have the experience that others had of having an earthly father who loved me. But God the Father does. It's not even in my imagination that my earthly father cared for me and my needs. But God the Father does. Whereas I was left with no legacy, God the Father has given me a legacy to pass onto my children. God gave me the opportunity to be the father I did not have. Ask my kids and they will tell you that I failed plenty of times. That's because I have failed. Just as my earthly father failed, I too have failed. With that acknowledgement, I know I will need their forgiveness.
I've haven't felt like I belonged here ever since Jesus and I met. He introduced me to the Father and to the Holy Spirit. They are family to me and I am family to them. The Father has adopted me because he loves me. It's my hope that you too will have a Father/daughter or son relationship that is fulfilling and makes you yearn to be with Him. I know I am a sojourner here on earth and one day will be home with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It's my prayer that you too will have that desire.
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