A couple of months ago my wife brought home a cup of red worms that a friend had given her. So we bought a container which I wrecked by drilling holes into it's top and bottom. We then put scraps and recyclable paper products into the bin along with the worms. The worms are really going to work and may one day actually catch up with all she put in with them. In the meantime we have worms that are reproducing. So, I'm into this project a few bucks and the return? Nothing but more worms. What do I do with the worms that is productive more than an ant farm? Sure they do some compost work. But is that justification enough for my keeping them? Do I need to bring them in when the freezing weather comes? Just where am I going to put thousands of worms in a bin with holes in the bottom? Sometimes projects get started where the cost hasn't been reckoned with before taking that project on. I've got a few of them already! It's now another dilemma that needs to be taken care of. Maybe this is a lesson from God about all that he's stored up inside of me that seems to be unproductive at the time...maybe.
While serving as a police officer a long time ago I had a citizen shoot himself in the head in front of me. I hadn't been able to prevent him from doing this. It wrecked my life. A year later I resigned from the force and moved my family across the country. The PTSD is still with me today. Two years later I would find myself pastor of a church in northeast Minnesota. My church chairman had witnessed a woman hit by a car. She was thrown into the air and landed at his feet. Like the red worms in my bin, the shooting now came to be the vehicle by which I was able to comfort and help my church chairman move through this traumatic time in his life. Without the experience I don't know that my help would have had as much validity as with the experience. As I look back over my Christian years, I find many examples of situations where I was left asking God, "Why?" The impact was twofold. First, I was able to see the reason for whatever as I entered into situations where that incident was used to help someone else. Even if that lesson was years later. Secondly, the events of my life have been used by God to form who I am today. A counselor that knew me well said that I was a "wounded healer." Perhaps you are as well.
My second wife and I were excited beyond words when we learned that we had become pregnant. The days were filled with awe and hopes along with joy that we were going to have a baby. Three months later we were told our baby was dead. How could that be? No, this couldn't be true. Anguish replaced joy and we said goodbye to our baby. Why? Why God? Years later I would be counseling a young woman who was 8 months pregnant. She wasn't filled with joy or hope. She was in anguish because she had been told by her doctor that the baby she was carrying was dead and that they wanted her to go full term and deliver this dead baby. She needed comfort and an understanding heart. She prevailed on the doctors to induce labor so that she could go through the grief and have relief in spite of the pain. My "Why God?" had been answered. Sometimes we get focused on our own tragedies that we can't see the possibilities God has intended to bring good from what is on our plate. Don't get me wrong, lessons have the ability to spring up in good instances as well. Sometimes someone with great intentions gives you a cup of red worms. What happens to the gift then becomes a responsibility to not waste the gift. Remember, it's always your choice.
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